It hit me.

I was standing in line behind a couple at target today. The woman was speaking very nasty and man gently Asking her to stop saying she was being unkind. She just ignored him and kept on with her unbecoming behavior. At first I was not really listening but with his gentle persistence caught my attention. I was then a little mortified by her behavior wondering how on earth she can continue with him repetitively, and gently asking her to stop telling her how unkind she was being. The thing was she kept justifying what she had to say over and over again with more and more unkind things thinking that she was writing a wrong but really she was just digging the hole deeper.

Then it hit me, how many times have I done that. Maybe not that exact thing but how many times have I had behavior that was unbecoming and Christ gently spoke to me telling me to stop and I just ignored and continued justifying why I was doing what I was doing only making it worse. I hope that this is an eye-opener for myself to watch what I say and how I am behaving. To be quick to apologize and less quick to justify my wrong behavior.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just overly critical of people, or if this is the spirit speaking to my heart trying to teach me to be of service so that I can change my own behavior. As I don't feel that I was being critical of the woman because I actually felt really bad for her, I'm leaning more towards God just continually speaking to my heart and me being more and more aware of his still soft voice. I want to hear him all the time I want to be aware of his presence in my life. I don't want to be so caught up in self that I can't see him yet continue to praise like I do.

Finding my place...

I just don't know where I'm supposed to be anymore. My part is over, and it's Skye's turn?
We're outside playing and all the neighbor kids are playing football with Skye in the front yard. What do I do? I'm used to having a baby to walk or a toddler to push in a stroller or an older toddler to teach a trike. I'm sitting here watching ALL KIDS play with HIM?
I'm grateful for this special time, and love his desire to invest in them... But feel a bit lost as I'm no needed, just sitting here being a spectator. These new stages are hard, heartwarming, but hard none the less.
I have baby stuff piled in Js room. Diapers, blankets, binkis, bottles and diaper bags...and an empty crib. It's all been replaced with this big toddler who dresses himself, uses the bathroom himself, and sleeps (mostly) through the night. This is so hard...I am happy , but it's hard.