Some friends....

What's the childhood song? Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold! Well, that is so true!!

It was 2007, spring, church softball season. I was at the park with two little girls, wanting to watch my husband play ball,  and all they wanted to do was play on the playground. I think I struggled with post-pardon depression, or depression of some kind. It was a hard year. Then this lady, I didn't really know her but she was married to Skye's closest friend Nick, came over and asked if she could push theM on the swings,  and give me a chance to watch Skye. I thought she was an angel!! I still think this!!

We moved away the next year, but not before becoming closer friends with Nick and Leigh. There was something super special about them...something I was just drawn to. In 2009, Nick passed away exactly 6 months after mu dad died, in a plane crash. Leigh, 'u sweet friend was pregnant with their second child. Skye and I did whatever we could to help Leigh out, even though we were miles apart. Nick was dear to us, Leigh and the kids are dear to up.

With each passing year, we never forget Nick's Heaven Birthday, and Leigh made sure this year, Nick didn't forget us. With our surprise baby coming right around the corner Nick and Leigh blessed us with a beautiful package of sweet gifts to get ready for "Baby E". This is Leigh's way of making sure Nick's love for blessing people never stops! Because he LOVED to bless people!!

Fiesty Pants

Back in March we bought 13 baby chicks. We picked a varied of chicks because we wanted different eggs. One type was a Bantam. We had two, but one died. The one that lived, well she had a rough road. Bantams are smaller chickens. But they are beautiful birds. Because she was smalller, she was picked on by the other chickens. The awesome part, she's turn around and kick up things at the other chickens to keep them off of her. She was fast, and could fly higher then the other chickens. I named her Fiesty Pants, because she was fierce and my absolute favorite.

I was gone, but when I got home Skye  told me a hawk had attacked Fiesty Pants and killed her. He said that he didn't see the attack, but she must have put up a fight because the hawk didn't take off with her. He buried her out in the grass. Where he buried her he found a horseshoe, while digging her grave. 

I know it's just a chicken. But she was my chicken. Seems like everything I touch withers away sometimes. Just makes me sad. Poor Fiesty Pants! Breaks my heart.

Haiti, summer And surprises

At the end of May this year I was blessed to go on a mission trip to Grand Guave Haiti. What an adventure that was. There was so many experiences I can't write them  and one post.  Our mission there was to help with the mother and child nutrition program along with building a house for an 18-year-old girl.  It was hot and exhausting but so cool to just volunteer and help somebody in need. I thoroughly enjoyed so many parts of the trip but towards the end of the trip I started to not feel well and struggled with being nauseous and unable to eat food. I was ready to come home to the comforts of my little farmhouse in Kentucky.
 Coming home to my husband and children was one of the best gifts ever. I was so grateful to see their faces as we came down the escalator from customs in the airport. Hugging them was like home. I still wasn't feeling well and so I assumed I was just exhausted from the trip. A couple days later I realize that there might be a reason for  my sickness. I decided to take a pregnancy test and to my shock it came back positive and three seconds flat. Being that J  is six years old I was done and moved on in my life. We had always wanted for children but I had laid down my desires and decided to be content and grateful for the blessings that we did have. This was such a shock to me as I had focused my thoughts on the future  and what our family looks like, we seem to complete. It's been hard all these months still to grass the thought of another person being part of this family. January cannot come fast enough.
 We've lived in this house for one year. This will be our second Christmas and one house, and if you know how often they move around this is a blessing. With no moving site I am really focusing on life here and not the next step, or the next move, or the next set of "orders".  We have three cats, 10 chickens, one rooster and nine hands, and one ornery little five-month-old puppy. The thought of having to move any of that just about frightens me and so I'm grateful that God has kept us here for the meantime.
We deal with crazy things like cats killing mice, dogs eating mice, moles uprooting our garden, and chickens ruining my flowerbeds. Mowing the grass takes a good 2 hours plus and that's not including weed eating or trimming. Since we have a new baby coming we realized this house isn't really set up for a "bigger" family and we've been working on renovating. These projects are seemingly taking forever but that is probably due to the countdown till baby hanging over our heads.

Tap Root

A couple months ago, we were walking down our lane and noticed a couple small trees growing in the fence line, One was a Maple, and one was an Ash. We don't really have trees in our yard, so I suggested we dig them up, and plant them in our yard. Sounded like a great idea, right? Here are these pretty little trees, growing strong where they were planted. They looked beautiful and they were about 3 feet tall. We went and got a shovel, and started digging. Knowing we'd need to dig out around the tree a bit, we dug a wide hole for the roots. He thought he had dug deep enough and started to dig around the bottom to finish the root ball when we hear a snap!
It was then that we realized there was ONE deep thick root that we didn't realize this tree had, and we had snapped it in half. I felt terrible! Now we've just killed this perfectly healthy baby tree because we wanted it in our yard! How selfish, how silly. We decided to finish digging the rest of the tree up, and replant it, in hopes it might, MAYBE, survive.
He quickly dug another hole in our yard, we replanted the baby tree with the tap root cut in half, watered it, and hoped for the best. But, within days, the leaves died up, fell off, and this little beautiful baby tree looked so dead. I felt terrible! It's amazing how selfish actions hurt others, innocent bystanders, that had nothing to do with my choices. This poor tree was dead, because of me. It didn't do anything, it was living and growing strong, but I had to have it, and I ended up killing it.
Or so I thought.
It was leaf-less and stiff. It looked so dead for such a long time. I had recently planted a couple other trees I had purchased from a nursery and was told that the reason trees die within the first 3 years of transplant is because of lack of water. So weekly I drag out gallon jugs I've saved, filled them with water, and go and water all these baby trees. I decided to add these into my weekly chore.
Funny how a bit of watering, hope, and nurturing can help heal the dead! Who knew this little tree had to died, lose all its beauty, in order to bloom and grow where it was transplanted!
Soon, our little tree started to grow tiny leaves. Tiny blooms started to bud and I was so thrilled!! We hadn't killed it like we thought!! We just stunned it, we broke it, we hurt it, for a time! But soon, after it mourned the loss of all we had done to it, it then endured! It grew! It dug roots, replanted itself, and started to bloom!
To me, this little tree is an inspiration! It's amazing what can happen to us. It's amazing the damage we can do to each other. Selfishness, wanting what we want when we want it, needing something now because we deserve it.  But, if we lean into the one who created us, we can grow, bloom, and be beautiful again. It gives me hope!

Thistles

Living out on the farm, I've experienced so much in the last months. It's funny to me, how so much of Farm life correlates with life with God. God uses so much in our daily lives to bring us closer to him, but sometimes we just don't see it.
The neighbors called our lane "Thistle Alley" with good reason. There are these giant thistles all over the place. The grow tall, with sharp "Leaves" and they really do hurt badly. But at the top, is this very pretty pink flower, that almost makes keeping them worthwhile. The stock is a vibrant green color. The roots are brittle and break easy, with one long root down the center. They are hard to pull out, you  have to dig them up. We've spent hours and hours digging up these plants to get rid of them.
The correlation: Sin, lies, deceit, is just like this thistle. It can be vibrant and produce pretty "flowers" so that it doesn't seem so bad, But, it's full of thorns that hurt badly and the roots are brittle and break easy. Sin has a promise of a beautiful ending: "The Flower", but everything else is painful and grows no roots to withstand any kind of pressure. The worst part, in order to get it out of your life, it's hard work, and you have to dig it up, and that is painful. So really, there is nothing great about sin, or thistles! They both grow fast, seem like a great thing, until the hurt and pain and digging up part.
Interesting how God does that...

Mowing...

I like mowing the grass. Since moving here to horse country, we have a couple acres to mow. I enjoy mowing because I turn on a podcast and listen. I live on Podcasts since we moved here. I discovered them before we left MD, and during the darkest days of my life, I've had the word of God spoken into my heart to keep my eyes focused on the Author and Finisher of my life. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have these few churches I follow speaking into my brain at certain times. I am so very greatful for them.
"When Darkenss Falls" by Louie Giglio from Passion City Church is by far the best sermon Ive ever heard in my life. I've listened to it more than a dozen times. Louie talks about a painful experience in his life, one he believes he will always have a "wound" from. I can totally understand that. See, we can keep walking through life, keep going, but it doesn't mean well ever fully recover from whatever happened. Maybe we'll be different, maybe our perspective will change, maybe we will be stronger in some areas, but to fully recover from something that rocked you, i'm not sure if you recover, or if you just learn to "walk with a limp".
I'm a passionate person, I feel everything. I take everything people say, stew over it, dissect it, apply it, think about it, pray about it. I remember certain things said to me so vividly, so much like a movie in my head. Sometimes I can't get that movie to quit playing. From there, I will spiral down and let the enemy beat me up so badly. I forget who I am in Christ. See, the world is not my home. I keep trying to make it here, to thrive here, to become happy here. But all that is a look, a perspective. I can be happy in the world, because I am happy in Christ. I can thrive here in this world, because I am thriving in Christ.
In my darkest times as a kid, I could crawl up on my Dad's lap and cry in his arms while he held me. I remember it strongly. As a wife, a grown woman, I've crawled up on my husbands arms and cried while he held me. The safety and comfort there is like no other place. But where do I go when I can't run there? Many, MANY times I've just curled up and cried, and in my mind I am in the arms of the Lord, for He is my comfort, my resting place, my safe place. He is my healer. He tells my soul to be still, to know that He is good, and he will protect me. I've played: "I lift my hand" by Chris Tomlin. He and Louie wrote this song. It was a song God gave Louie in the middle on the night when he couldn't sleep and worry and fret and fear would over take him. I can relate to this. Louie encourages to let God make a play list for you, so you can penetrate your spirit with worship. Because only worship will give you through the darkest moments in your life. God gave me a play list. I have it on my phone titled: Worship, and I listen to it near constantly.
When sadness comes, mercy should follow. Mercy is described as this:
compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

Show mercy to people, show mercy to yourself. Because God is a God of mercy!!

Listen to these songs:
Mercy (The LIVE version) - Bethel Music
I lift my Hands- Chris Tomlin
Anchor (Live) - Bethel Music

2016...i think I skipped a couple years...

It's 2016! I can't believe that I haven't posted in about 2 years. How much life has been lived, and how much life has passed. The Story of Us has many more chapters in the book...more than I can blog about, that's for certain.
Most recently we've moved from Southern Maryland, where we called home for nearly 6 years, to Central Kentucky. Never really saw myself in KY, but then again, I never really made plans for my life either. Hubby got a job transfer here, and so far, so good. Life is slower here, quieter, simpler, and rural also. We live on a small hobby farm that we are slowly but surely making our own. That is my favorite part about life right now.
I can very easily lose myself and escape from my mind here. I get outside and walk the perimeter of our land and just let the world in my mind dissolve away. A couple weeks ago I purchased a few trees. Two Apple, two Peach and one Cherry, in honor of Hubby's Grandpa who passed away a in 2015. We've planted them all, and are on a weekly watering schedule as I have researched that the reason most trees die in the first 3 years is lack of water.
This weekend we mostly finished our "Crazy Coop" or chicken coop. The kids and I painted it one color for each of us, to symbol all our differences all together, working together to make a unit. It's fun and crazy. We purchased 13 chickens, 3 of which passed away before we got them into the coop. We have one little lady I've lovingly named "Feisty Pants" because shes so much smaller than all the other chickens and she gives them all heck when they heckle her. She's spunky and strong, even as a tiny bird. She's my favorite! They are all doing well out there, and were excited every time we see them as they are growing each day. It's pretty cool.
The garden will be planted this week. I'm overwhelmed at how little my seedling are not growing, but I'm sure once they are in a soil garden, they'll do much better. Its funny how we can be like those seedlings. Grow enough to survive, but not thrive. The right amount of nutrients in the soil, water, and sunlight is what helps growth...but if you don't get those things, growth doesn't occur. I feel like that is me. I'm always searching for something that will help me grow, but there's only One that can give me all that I need....and He is who I need to fill the holes in my heart with...Jesus Christ alone.
I recently lost a dear friend to me. She and I were the best of friends. I miss her near daily and I invested all of me into her. I think sometimes we forget that this world was never meant to fulfill us, as it is not our home. But sometimes we invest so much, we are deeply saddened when it's all taken away, forgetting we were created for a higher place. She was my bestie, and I miss her daily, daily!
The kiddos are growing like the weeds in the lawn that I can't keep up with. They are smart, funny, amazingly talented and learning more life lessons than I'd like them to for little people. My only hope is that one day, they'll see this as growth in character and not intentional hurt, as "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening, it's painful! But afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way." (Heb. 12:11) Moving, change, leaving loved ones, is like a wound that takes time to heal. I pray they will one day see that their father and I made mistakes, but did our best to be all that God has called us to be, knowing we aren't perfect. People say Kids are resilient, but I think kids learn to be resilient....as mine have had no choice! They are mostly Military Brats.
Here's a toast to 2016, even though it's May. May 2016 be a game changer. May KY be a game changer. May we look back on life and see how 2016, Ky, changed our lives for the better...that, this, is my constant prayer.